May your Rabbi & Rebbetzen be inscribed in the book of rejuvenation

Ivory tower

My personal, typical to-do list for a yomtov might include:

1. Find that big candle

2. Match up least-odd cufflinks

3. Set up urn

4. Make eruv tavshilin

5. Post-it by urn: "eat eruv tavshilin"

6. Compare weight of Koren vs Artscroll

This to-do list probably doesn't amount to an operational overload. But I am just a balabayis (householder).

On the ground

A few days ago, you were responsible for scores of people, hundreds even, entering the gates of your shul campuses. You might have dealt with everything from risk assessments to setting an appropriate degree of 'alternativeness' for alternative services; from deep-cleaning to shnoddering; from reviewing accessibility to setting-up a post-yomtov feedback system. (Hopefully, significant elements of your burden were dispersed and delegated to brilliant fellow-volunteers.)

It’s not needless to say that your professional colleagues rely on what you do – you know that – but I hope it is understood how much everyone in the charity is appreciative, even reverential of the scope and effectiveness of the work you lead and oversee. Thank you from me, the whole Community Development Team and, not going out on too much of a limb, from everyone at 305.

Your triumph – a bold word, but merited – as lay-leaders over the holiest days of the year may be outside my experience, but I can comprehend it. What though, of Rabbis and Rebbetzens? Here, my fun-size logistical duties are no guide to other people’s yomtovim must. My imagination drifts into cloudier territory, and I can only grope for guesses.

The other heroes of the tale

The intensity of these autumn days, would test anyone with the responsibility of spiritual leadership, especially when that leadership is so concentrated on so few people.

Some shul attendees have been mentally going through the Viddui throughout Elul, reciting selichot and measuring their words and deeds. Others may have put in less obvious preparation. But Jews of every persuasion come to shul on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur to confront themselves and G-d, to experience awe and to earn forgiveness. These are big demands.

Our Rabbinic teams are there to facilitate these experiences for each and every Jew who enter our shuls as through the shaarei Shamayim: regular and less-so; young and old; the Routledge devotees and those who want at least a short meditative breakout; those with semicha and those who stumble through the Hebrew.

Our Rabbinic leaders must explain, guide or give power to, the highs and calms of the liturgy so they can be comprehended or just felt, by everyone. Thereby, individuals’ experiences are made more meaningful by being collective. Successful Yamim Noraim rest on effective organisation of resources, timings and people. But the days can only reach their pinnacle of achievement, when Rabbis and Rebbetzens are able to challenge, help, connect with and lead Jews, before and during repeated and varied moments of literally once-a-year intensity.

The wages of virtue

The time is unbelievably limited, and the people come and go, maybe after mere minutes in a year. There might be hosting to do, children to feed; and other people want to speak with them at every opportunity. They have their own logistics, their own tefillah; and their own opportunities, unique to these days, might be limited to a few minutes when only a caretaker is in the building. Service to the community must come before self-fulfilment.

The demands of personal organisation, pastoral awareness and social agility (who to speak to and for how long?); technical excellence (davening, leyning, sermonising); being ‘relevant’, authoritative but not instructive; possessed of a faultless memory; learned but approachable; deep-thinking but able to dance between encounters; personable, considerate, temperate, meaningful… this is where my clouds of unknowing descend most thickly. Truly, I don’t know how they do it.

Recognition

We might now all consider how we can help our Rabbis and Rebbetzens feel how much we comprehend our debt to them. Then, whether we can help them recover some of their spiritual and physical energy, perhaps by giving them some space and time for themselves.

Consider your Rabbi, your Rebbetzen. How did they enjoy their yomtovim and what did they feel was successful? What was most demanding? If you haven’t yet been through your review of the Yamim Noraim, then this is an obvious opportunity to answer these questions, not just to identify further work – more service to the community! -  but to inform ‘aftercare’ for the Rabbi and Rebbetzen themselves. Definitely it’s right to be informed by them what they feel like and what they need.

It might be most appropriate to provide a card or gift, even a kiddush, to someone who has helped with Yamim Noraim. Social media appeals to some people and it is sometimes right to be public about appreciation. But for Rabbis and Rebbetzens, who might value the impact they have on individuals and households, then personal tributes – even in the form of voice notes, or a collective e-card – might be more effective.

If you suspect your Rabbinic couple might be ‘running on fumes’, then might the Executive, or even the whole community, whip round to fund a babysitter (where necessary) and a meal out? Perhaps it would be as effective just to send out a message that the Rabbi’s and Rebbetzen’s phones were being minded by the Exec for a couple of nights.

P.S. In the unlikely event that your Rabbinic colleagues would benefit from having a copy of my to-do list at the top of the post, do please feel free to share. No need to credit me…